Eve•All•usion

The decomposin’ effect that occurs when 1 feels 2 die 4 a deep emotional breakdown has upbuildin’ F/X: it’s the fertilizer of a new plant (Ur next stage). The lessons learned give U the feedback 2 keep goin’ and among the things U R taught, stands the fact that U get 2 understand that even when U R not perfect, U R perfectible.

Eye learned within years of process that all of my structures were made up just 2 sustain me until Eye reached the wisdom needed 2 realize that all of them had 2 B smashed down. And Eye learned 2 rebuild myself, and my concepts of love, loyalty, spirituality and what was my notion of havin’ a good life. It ain’t easy reachin’ 2 the point that contrary 2 what many say, heart’s guidance ain’t the best.

Once U decide 2 take it out and build Ur decisions focused on the determination of what has 2 B, the thorns of the rose of the heart keep hurting, and sometimes Eye’ve erroneously redirected my life from the ultimate goal 2 a slightly different target, 2 avoid the pain that implies stickin’ 2 my choice. The results R invariably negative when Eye do so.

Eye mite have forgotten that tryin’ 2 do things with a ‘cold head’ 4 instance, R also part of a human trend of doin’ whatever is needed 2 reach something. And Eye forgot hearing, attendin’ myself, 4 the fear of reachin’ selfishness. Eye dedicated so much 2 keep that concept, that when a romantic chapter came in, Eye took care of giving. Not the other way around.

And its true: U should not B selfish (and U don't have 2 get love back 2 love someone). But a sense of compatibility has 2 exist in a couple when it comes 2 plans of sharin’ a life (B cause: how come, for instance, could someone leaded by altruism to 3th’s, share a satisfactory life, when the other part doesn’t exercise it, with the 1 that’s supposed 2 B the closest?).

Once a bug hits the window, tries 2 go the other side and hits the other wall instead. That defines sort of what happened 2 me. But I’ve learned. And am ready. Am with open arms 2 new projects, the new seed of the grass field am 2 Bcome next. Am tryin’ 2 kill the inner inhabitants that load me up of damage, negativity and guilt.

Am breaking, once again my own bad habits, my structures R smashed again, they needed 2 B destroyed. And Eye must confess that next 2 the fear of the new things, there is also excitement. And am holdin’ 2 it 2 continue. The blood in my hands is my own. It’s my fertilizer.

The seed of course, is 1’s spirit. Speakin’ about plants, within time Eye learned the value of not Bcomin’ such a ‘big tree’. After the storms, the big 1’s fall, but the little grass prevails and recovers faster. And who says it doesn’t grow? It just spreads in a different direction, instead of Bcomin’ tall. So it ain't hopeless as it sounds the first time. Regardin’ 2 a partner and my new existense as 'grass': in a recent movie, the EVE word stands for: Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator. So, who the heck knows?

It's startin’ 2 grow once again. And Eye can’t wait 2 see my next stage. It’s my Eve-All-usion. My Eve-Volution: my new Eve.

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